Recovery Plus 60 Feb 2016 “We tip over one small domino – a drink, a drug, an acting out – no big deal. But that domino hits the next, then the next. A chain reaction pushing us into relapse has been started.” to go through the motions, to just hang on. If we are not moving forward in recovery we are perpetually going backwards. 7. You are extremely defensive when anyone brings up the changes in your behaviour and attitude. My first clue that something is amiss comes from either my wife Lucy or one of my children. It starts with one of those seemingly-nothing throw-away comments that they make. Is everything OK? Are you feeling alright? Do you have a lot on your mind? No, I am not feeling any of those things. I don’t actually know what I am feeling. I wish you would just leave me alone. What I now understand is that my addiction is still there. It resides at my core. It is always there. The voice is always there. Sometimes it is silent, sometimes it whispers and in times like this it screams at me as it always has a better idea for me. I need to remind myself that my addiction wants me dead. So instead of wishing everybody would leave me alone, I realise that I am actually being encouraged to get back to work, to get back into the middle of my recovery instead of sitting on the edges. Once again, I change direction and move towards the sunlight of true recovery. Many a time those in recovery have heard stories where someone says “I don’t understand; I just suddenly heard myself ordering a drink”. In truth, if that person looked back over the past few weeks and months, they would see this was the natural result of a progression toward relapse. I don’t want to be one of those people. Maybe, by writing this article, we can help someone else from going down that path.
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